Insight from a beautiful, bigger girl.

It literally just occured to me that for so long I accepted the "I normally like petite/skinny girls, but I really like you" bit as a compliment.  That despite the fact that I'm in no way petite (I wear a size 11 shoe), and I'm not built to be "skinny", I had somehow won the affection of whoever it may be.

As an intelligent, witty and beautiful woman, I still felt like I had to prove myself worthy to the man (or woman) who was lowering their physical standards to be with me.

Seriously,  WTF is that? Why did I spend *SO* many years starving myself so they would notice, hiding my stomach, and dreading bathing suit activities with someone that professed to love me (in spite of my obvious flaws)?

Well. There's a new sheriff in town called self-respect.  Beyond grateful for this insight,  most likely induced from my dating sabbatical. 

Reading about the "plus size" model,  Ashley Graham, seeing the comments of admiration of her physical form on instagram made me see that there are PLENTY of people that not only like but PREFER a curvy or thick woman. It made me realize that instead of being ashamed, or trying to hide my most "problem areas", I should have been proud, and anyone worthy of my devotion would LOVE my "problem areas" as much as they loved my eyes, my lips, my philosophical nature, my humor and my intelligence.  In fact, they wouldn't see my "problem areas" as problems at all, just more of me to love.

I declare this today, on behalf of any and all women who can relate to my story, to no longer settle to be settled on.  To no longer try and prove ourselves to be "just as good" as the skinny girls someone prefers. 

I don't know what the future holds,  but something is in the air these last few days that has turned my thoughts to the topic of love and romance, normally far from my mind.  It seems as good a time as any to make my intention known to the universe, that if I should come out of retirement,  as it were, it will only be for someone not like the others I've known.  Someone who thinks I'm beautiful,  not just a pretty face.

Let me close by saying I am in no way bitter. I chose my path, and I participated in this learning game.  And I learned that I am beautiful.  Even my thick thighs and loose, battle-scarred belly are beautiful.  And the ones that don't agree, need not apply (no, I'm really not taking applications). 

Namaste, and self love, y'all