Why I hate INXS

When I was twelve, I fell in love a lot.  My first big love, I’m somewhat now embarrassed to admit, was Kirk Cameron.  His dreamy, lash-y eyes, his curly locks of hair, the impish grin… *swoon*.  I bought all the Tiger Beats I could find and plaster his mug all over my room.  I would surely marry him someday.
 

But months later, I tossed Kirk aside for a real man.  A grown man.  A sexy, take charge man that could kick the crap out of Mike Seaver.  Patrick Swayze.  Oh yeah, he could teach me a thing or two about the Merengue.  I ripped down every Kirk picture I owned, and replaced them with pinups of my real love, Patrick. He was my lover that summer of 1988, and I took my Dirty Dancing soundtrack cassette with me everywhere, even to Girl Scout camp, where we all wanted to be Baby.   I was horror stricken when I found out he was 36 years old AND married.  I didn't know which was worse.  But my heartache wouldn't last long.

One day, minding my own business (doesn't true love always work this way), I heard the most incredible song on the radio.  It was called Need You Tonight.  I had never heard so much sultry sexiness in a song, before or since.  I found out the band was INXS (inks?) and I knew I must own this song.  Then, something magical happened.  Something that would change my life forever.  I saw the video. 

It was like lightning came and struck me, awakening every dormant feeling in my soul, all at once.  THIS was love.  This was Michael. 

From then on, I was a one man woman. My heart belonged to Michael Hutchence.  Soon I was saving up my allowance and babysitting money for every cassette (they had quite a few) and every poster I could find.  I pored over the magazine index at my middle school library in search of articles and pictures of him and the band.  I became an expert not only in all things INXS, but also all things Australian. This was, of course before the internet, so I had to go to great lengths (and many malls) to find my bounty.  I memorized the birth dates of all the band members, their backgrounds and families, and I felt like I knew them. 

I was a hormonal preteen, the only child of a single mother.  My home life was, at times, rocky.  I often escaped into a fantasy world where Michael was my boyfriend, and the members of the band were the older brothers I never had.  With my Walkman at my side, music swimming in my brain, and my eyes closed, this world became my escape.  INXS became my savior.  Each member of the band had a story, partly based in fact, but mostly based in my own imagination.  Andrew Farriss (keyboard and songwriter) was the shy one, always needing a bit of a push to have some fun.  Jon Farriss (drums) was the youngest member of the band, and therefor served as my contemporary.  I just wanted to set him up with a nice girl.  Tim Farriss (Guitar), the eldest of the Farriss brothers, was already married (I learned in my research), so he was obviously the mature one.  But he was the biggest prankster of the lot.  Kirk Pengilly (sax and guitar) was the brainy one, a little awkward, and loved to stay up late and have deep philosophical conversations. Garry Gary Beers (bass guitar) was the oldest member of the band, and was practical, and just a bit fatherly.

I was almost sure, someday, Michael would come riding down the street in a limousine driven by Andrew, to rescue me from my hellish angst, and we would be happy for always. I would take care of the band, making sure they had breakfast every day.  We would laugh, tease, comfort and support each other.  I was too young and naïve to know about the Yoko Ono curse, but even if I wasn't, that would never happen.  Because the band loved me too.  They thought I was good for Michael.  They knew I would take care of him. 

My fantasy world saved me, and carried me through to a calmer period of my life.  As I began high school, INXS was still there, Michael was still kissing me goodnight, but I was also checking out the boys closer to my age.  As I continued my journey through adolescence, I took on real boyfriends, had real kisses, and experienced real, heart pounding love.  I no longer relied on my fantasy, reality was exciting enough. 

I graduated high school in 1994, and began the “adult” experience.  Working, trying out community college, relationships, the whole bit.  I’ll spare you the details of my trials and tribulations, and instead fast forward (like a cassette) to November 1997.  I was 21, and I worked at a call center.  One of my coworkers, another fan of INXS, had lost his father a few days before, and I was planning on attending the viewing for support of my friend.  I got a call that day, from another coworker.  She told me she had a message from Tom, our mutual friend who’s father had just passed.  She told me he had called, and that someone from INXS had died, but she couldn't remember his name.  My heart stopped. 

I started naming names.  Kirk.  No.  Garry.  No.  Tim.  No.  Andrew.  No.  Jon.  No.  Michael Hutchence.  Yes. 

I told her I had to go.  I turned on MTV.  And it was there.  Coverage of his death.  I sat in stunned silence and stared at the screen.  It wasn't real.  He couldn't be dead.  But he was.  This was the year of death, I had decided, as just months before I stayed up all night to watch with the world Princess Diana’s funeral on TV. 

I wore all black to work that day, and had to break often as tears overtook me.  Thankfully I had a compassionate supervisor who didn't laugh at me when I told him the reason for my grief. 

But, boys and girls, life goes on.  Life went on.  I went on.  A few years later, I won tickets and backstage passes to the “Just for Kicks” tour that INXS was doing with guest singer, Jon Stevens.  I took my then boyfriend (and eventual ex-husband) as my plus one. I was beyond excited.  I was going to meet Andrew, Jon, Tim, Kirk and Garry.  These men who were my brothers, who wallpapered my teenage room, who played the music that lulled me to sleep many nights. 

Let me tell you though, it was odd.  It was wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but the solid fantasy I had built didn't exactly mesh with the reality of these men.  My imagination was so strong that it was nearly fact, and when they didn't know me on sight, I was almost surprised.  

Despite that, I was still an avid fan and supporter of INXS.  And it’s true, I supported them.  When I would tell someone INXS was my favorite band, often I would get, “didn't they die?”

No, they didn't die, their lead singer did.  INXS is five other guys too.  I defended their right to exist in a band without Michael, in a world without Michael.  And after I had married my plus one, and our daughter was just a toddler, INXS announced they would be partnering with a new reality show to find the new lead singer of INXS.  What?! I couldn't wait to watch, and neither could my plus one.  I had made an INXS fan out of him, too.  Just the thought that our votes matter in such a huge decision…

We watched, and mostly agreed.  My plus one was for JD Fortune from the start, but I favored the blond haired Marty.  Eventually I was won over, as was INXS, and JD became the new lead singer for INXS. 

They came out with a new album, and a new tour.  Naturally we went.  I don’t recall being impressed.  This was my third INXS show, my first was in 1993, complete with the immortal Michael. 

JD fizzled out, and so did INXS, it seemed.  I didn't hear much about them until last year, when an INXS mini-series was premiering on Australian TV.  I wanted to watch this so bad.  And I am telling you the gods honest truth, I have never illegally downloaded anything (including music), until the day that I downloaded the INXS mini series.  I watched it twice.  I read a few interviews with the band.  I follow Jon on Facebook. I've read articles written by the daughter of Garry Beers and was enlightened to learn the reality she, her sister and mother faced as a real family of the band.

I wanted for so long to believe in my version of them, the good-natured band of brothers, the saviors of my preteen torment.  But they were not.  They were once the Biggest Band In The World.  25 years ago.  But no more. 

Michael became a celebrity in his own right, a legend, like Jim Morrison.  He was close with Bono.  Was the rest of the band close with Bono, I asked myself tonight? No.  Why Michael, because he was pretty?  I don’t think Bono is that shallow.  The reason why is because Michael, like Morrison, was a poet.  A thinker.  A philosopher.  Michael knew the band was losing it’s fan base, that they could only go down.  Andrew knew this too (if the movie’s story line is true), but he seemed the only one that was OK with that. 

Whether Michael died accidentally or not doesn't matter.  What matters is that he left the game.  He will always be young.  He put up a good fight, and he was a star.  But he didn't go down with the ship.  And the rest of the band, (besides Andrew it seems) are desperately grasping at the last bits of the spoils of fame they can.  It’s sad.  It’s depressing.  It makes me hate INXS.