Those Pointy Fingers

Unless you are a trained and skilled forensic detective, you should not define a person based upon (metaphorical) debris taken from their trash, soiled with spilled liquid contempt. 
Even in a criminal court of law, even after witnesses have testified, it is only if the defendant chooses such, they may remain silent.   To not give the defendant the opportunity to present their "side" would undo the very fabric of one of our dearly held rights.  

The Sixth Amendment:

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

 I'm sure most would agree that these rights should always be provided in a court of law, so why is it so common place to pass judgement on someone after hearing stories, gossip and "highlights" while never speaking to the subject of scrutiny directly?  

Maybe ponder this a while.  Maybe it will spark the realization that you may have judged without knowing "all the facts", perhaps you only knew a version of the "truth" from one source, laid out conveniently as to avoid incriminating themselves.   

But this is all probably falling on many deaf ears, as we (as a society) love to vilify and castigate ... together.  Why? Maybe to as a distraction so that we can avoid looking at something closer to ourselves (maybe even our self?) But I digress.  We are but simple humans and we often have a pack mentality. 

 But next time you are invited to listen to scandalous, salacious, *exciting* gossip before grouping together to judge, convict and sentence a person, perhaps you should first reach out and hear what they have to say.  SUPER important if this person is a family member, I might add. 

Insight from a beautiful, bigger girl.

It literally just occured to me that for so long I accepted the "I normally like petite/skinny girls, but I really like you" bit as a compliment.  That despite the fact that I'm in no way petite (I wear a size 11 shoe), and I'm not built to be "skinny", I had somehow won the affection of whoever it may be.

As an intelligent, witty and beautiful woman, I still felt like I had to prove myself worthy to the man (or woman) who was lowering their physical standards to be with me.

Seriously,  WTF is that? Why did I spend *SO* many years starving myself so they would notice, hiding my stomach, and dreading bathing suit activities with someone that professed to love me (in spite of my obvious flaws)?

Well. There's a new sheriff in town called self-respect.  Beyond grateful for this insight,  most likely induced from my dating sabbatical. 

Reading about the "plus size" model,  Ashley Graham, seeing the comments of admiration of her physical form on instagram made me see that there are PLENTY of people that not only like but PREFER a curvy or thick woman. It made me realize that instead of being ashamed, or trying to hide my most "problem areas", I should have been proud, and anyone worthy of my devotion would LOVE my "problem areas" as much as they loved my eyes, my lips, my philosophical nature, my humor and my intelligence.  In fact, they wouldn't see my "problem areas" as problems at all, just more of me to love.

I declare this today, on behalf of any and all women who can relate to my story, to no longer settle to be settled on.  To no longer try and prove ourselves to be "just as good" as the skinny girls someone prefers. 

I don't know what the future holds,  but something is in the air these last few days that has turned my thoughts to the topic of love and romance, normally far from my mind.  It seems as good a time as any to make my intention known to the universe, that if I should come out of retirement,  as it were, it will only be for someone not like the others I've known.  Someone who thinks I'm beautiful,  not just a pretty face.

Let me close by saying I am in no way bitter. I chose my path, and I participated in this learning game.  And I learned that I am beautiful.  Even my thick thighs and loose, battle-scarred belly are beautiful.  And the ones that don't agree, need not apply (no, I'm really not taking applications). 

Namaste, and self love, y'all

Why I hate INXS

When I was twelve, I fell in love a lot.  My first big love, I’m somewhat now embarrassed to admit, was Kirk Cameron.  His dreamy, lash-y eyes, his curly locks of hair, the impish grin… *swoon*.  I bought all the Tiger Beats I could find and plaster his mug all over my room.  I would surely marry him someday.
 

But months later, I tossed Kirk aside for a real man.  A grown man.  A sexy, take charge man that could kick the crap out of Mike Seaver.  Patrick Swayze.  Oh yeah, he could teach me a thing or two about the Merengue.  I ripped down every Kirk picture I owned, and replaced them with pinups of my real love, Patrick. He was my lover that summer of 1988, and I took my Dirty Dancing soundtrack cassette with me everywhere, even to Girl Scout camp, where we all wanted to be Baby.   I was horror stricken when I found out he was 36 years old AND married.  I didn't know which was worse.  But my heartache wouldn't last long.

One day, minding my own business (doesn't true love always work this way), I heard the most incredible song on the radio.  It was called Need You Tonight.  I had never heard so much sultry sexiness in a song, before or since.  I found out the band was INXS (inks?) and I knew I must own this song.  Then, something magical happened.  Something that would change my life forever.  I saw the video. 

It was like lightning came and struck me, awakening every dormant feeling in my soul, all at once.  THIS was love.  This was Michael. 

From then on, I was a one man woman. My heart belonged to Michael Hutchence.  Soon I was saving up my allowance and babysitting money for every cassette (they had quite a few) and every poster I could find.  I pored over the magazine index at my middle school library in search of articles and pictures of him and the band.  I became an expert not only in all things INXS, but also all things Australian. This was, of course before the internet, so I had to go to great lengths (and many malls) to find my bounty.  I memorized the birth dates of all the band members, their backgrounds and families, and I felt like I knew them. 

I was a hormonal preteen, the only child of a single mother.  My home life was, at times, rocky.  I often escaped into a fantasy world where Michael was my boyfriend, and the members of the band were the older brothers I never had.  With my Walkman at my side, music swimming in my brain, and my eyes closed, this world became my escape.  INXS became my savior.  Each member of the band had a story, partly based in fact, but mostly based in my own imagination.  Andrew Farriss (keyboard and songwriter) was the shy one, always needing a bit of a push to have some fun.  Jon Farriss (drums) was the youngest member of the band, and therefor served as my contemporary.  I just wanted to set him up with a nice girl.  Tim Farriss (Guitar), the eldest of the Farriss brothers, was already married (I learned in my research), so he was obviously the mature one.  But he was the biggest prankster of the lot.  Kirk Pengilly (sax and guitar) was the brainy one, a little awkward, and loved to stay up late and have deep philosophical conversations. Garry Gary Beers (bass guitar) was the oldest member of the band, and was practical, and just a bit fatherly.

I was almost sure, someday, Michael would come riding down the street in a limousine driven by Andrew, to rescue me from my hellish angst, and we would be happy for always. I would take care of the band, making sure they had breakfast every day.  We would laugh, tease, comfort and support each other.  I was too young and naïve to know about the Yoko Ono curse, but even if I wasn't, that would never happen.  Because the band loved me too.  They thought I was good for Michael.  They knew I would take care of him. 

My fantasy world saved me, and carried me through to a calmer period of my life.  As I began high school, INXS was still there, Michael was still kissing me goodnight, but I was also checking out the boys closer to my age.  As I continued my journey through adolescence, I took on real boyfriends, had real kisses, and experienced real, heart pounding love.  I no longer relied on my fantasy, reality was exciting enough. 

I graduated high school in 1994, and began the “adult” experience.  Working, trying out community college, relationships, the whole bit.  I’ll spare you the details of my trials and tribulations, and instead fast forward (like a cassette) to November 1997.  I was 21, and I worked at a call center.  One of my coworkers, another fan of INXS, had lost his father a few days before, and I was planning on attending the viewing for support of my friend.  I got a call that day, from another coworker.  She told me she had a message from Tom, our mutual friend who’s father had just passed.  She told me he had called, and that someone from INXS had died, but she couldn't remember his name.  My heart stopped. 

I started naming names.  Kirk.  No.  Garry.  No.  Tim.  No.  Andrew.  No.  Jon.  No.  Michael Hutchence.  Yes. 

I told her I had to go.  I turned on MTV.  And it was there.  Coverage of his death.  I sat in stunned silence and stared at the screen.  It wasn't real.  He couldn't be dead.  But he was.  This was the year of death, I had decided, as just months before I stayed up all night to watch with the world Princess Diana’s funeral on TV. 

I wore all black to work that day, and had to break often as tears overtook me.  Thankfully I had a compassionate supervisor who didn't laugh at me when I told him the reason for my grief. 

But, boys and girls, life goes on.  Life went on.  I went on.  A few years later, I won tickets and backstage passes to the “Just for Kicks” tour that INXS was doing with guest singer, Jon Stevens.  I took my then boyfriend (and eventual ex-husband) as my plus one. I was beyond excited.  I was going to meet Andrew, Jon, Tim, Kirk and Garry.  These men who were my brothers, who wallpapered my teenage room, who played the music that lulled me to sleep many nights. 

Let me tell you though, it was odd.  It was wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but the solid fantasy I had built didn't exactly mesh with the reality of these men.  My imagination was so strong that it was nearly fact, and when they didn't know me on sight, I was almost surprised.  

Despite that, I was still an avid fan and supporter of INXS.  And it’s true, I supported them.  When I would tell someone INXS was my favorite band, often I would get, “didn't they die?”

No, they didn't die, their lead singer did.  INXS is five other guys too.  I defended their right to exist in a band without Michael, in a world without Michael.  And after I had married my plus one, and our daughter was just a toddler, INXS announced they would be partnering with a new reality show to find the new lead singer of INXS.  What?! I couldn't wait to watch, and neither could my plus one.  I had made an INXS fan out of him, too.  Just the thought that our votes matter in such a huge decision…

We watched, and mostly agreed.  My plus one was for JD Fortune from the start, but I favored the blond haired Marty.  Eventually I was won over, as was INXS, and JD became the new lead singer for INXS. 

They came out with a new album, and a new tour.  Naturally we went.  I don’t recall being impressed.  This was my third INXS show, my first was in 1993, complete with the immortal Michael. 

JD fizzled out, and so did INXS, it seemed.  I didn't hear much about them until last year, when an INXS mini-series was premiering on Australian TV.  I wanted to watch this so bad.  And I am telling you the gods honest truth, I have never illegally downloaded anything (including music), until the day that I downloaded the INXS mini series.  I watched it twice.  I read a few interviews with the band.  I follow Jon on Facebook. I've read articles written by the daughter of Garry Beers and was enlightened to learn the reality she, her sister and mother faced as a real family of the band.

I wanted for so long to believe in my version of them, the good-natured band of brothers, the saviors of my preteen torment.  But they were not.  They were once the Biggest Band In The World.  25 years ago.  But no more. 

Michael became a celebrity in his own right, a legend, like Jim Morrison.  He was close with Bono.  Was the rest of the band close with Bono, I asked myself tonight? No.  Why Michael, because he was pretty?  I don’t think Bono is that shallow.  The reason why is because Michael, like Morrison, was a poet.  A thinker.  A philosopher.  Michael knew the band was losing it’s fan base, that they could only go down.  Andrew knew this too (if the movie’s story line is true), but he seemed the only one that was OK with that. 

Whether Michael died accidentally or not doesn't matter.  What matters is that he left the game.  He will always be young.  He put up a good fight, and he was a star.  But he didn't go down with the ship.  And the rest of the band, (besides Andrew it seems) are desperately grasping at the last bits of the spoils of fame they can.  It’s sad.  It’s depressing.  It makes me hate INXS. 

Forgotten musings

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

             This entry may seem a little out of place, but really, anything belongs as long as it's authentic, right? Well since it's my blog, I say yes!

            Anyway, I've been thinking.  I think I'm a relatively "good person".  I try to be kind to my fellow man, show authentic empathy... you know just considering the feelings of others.  I try, anyway.  I also seem to have misplaced, or never received, the ability to consider "ulterior motives" of others.  If someone says something, I believe them.  Yes, intellectually I realize that we all have the capacity for dishonesty, but it seems to me that it would be awfully exhausting to assume someone is lying, and to try and figure out why.  Yes, I have been duped.  But less often then you would think, and apparently not enough to change my automated trust level.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Am I naive, too trusting, etc?

         So here's where I went with this... I realized there a couple people in my life that tend to automatically assume that I am being deceptive in my dealings with them.  And have I ever lied to these people?  Yes.  But in context, these are individuals that share with me a long and... complicated... history.  And the lies have gone both ways.  But here's the thing.  I have never set out to intentionally cause lasting trouble or pain in either of their lives.  Have I hurt them?  Yes.  Mostly though, in the bright red moment of a heated argument.  Have I made mistakes which directly or indirectly impacted their lives in a negative way?  Unfortunately, I have.   I have not, however,  made a premeditated, intentional or vengeful attempt to ruin anyone's life.  But you know what?  Both of them have done that to me.  

         Now, don't worry... I'm not writing to have a pity party called "they are out to get me".  I am pointing out that those that assume people have ulterior motives are often the ones that actually themselves have them.  Some people are not "nice" unless they are trying to get somewhere with it. Sadly, this type of person has no loyalty, in the sense that they will jump fences quickly and without regret if it serves their ultimate purpose.  But this type of thinking and behavior is extremely short sighted.    

       In my last post, I joyfully declared that effective communication had taken place in regards to a situation with my ex-spouse regarding one of our children.  In my mind, I thought we had finally reached a common place, I had used the analogy of two rivers finding the mutual ocean.  

The reality, I found out later, is that he assumes I will ultimately betray him, and not be of my word.  He said nothing of this to me.  Ironically, I have kept my word to him in matters dealing with our kids, except when I could not, and never in a purposely deceitful way.  No, I am not saying that I am a saint, but I have not ever planned an elaborate hoax in an effort to mislead him.  In fact, there have been several instances when I could have easily taken an action that would have seriously affected his life.  Amid the war cries of my "anti-cheerleaders" (again, see previous post) to "do what he did to you!", I chose to not take that road, ultimately knowing that although it would be "justice", I did not want to cause hurt to someone that my children love.  What good would come of it?  A brief moment of revenge? That's not my thing.  Besides, they say living well is the best revenge, and I believe that "living well" is feeling good about the choices we make.   My choices are not just my own, they affect my kids, and they also set an example for them.  I don't want them to grow up to live a life where they are always trying to "get even".  

              I've said this to a few friends, and it's true... if my ex-spouse found himself homeless, perhaps thrown out of his home by his significant other (a possibility at times, it seems), I would genuinely offer for him to camp out on my couch until he had the ability to get on his feet.  I know, with almost absolute certainty, that he would never do the same for me.  My anti-cheerleaders have pointed this out.  That isn't the point, I argue, because I don't do something for someone else only if I know they would do the same for me.  That is neither genuine or authentic.  I would do it because it's the right thing to do. Would I have my children see their father homeless? Granted, he has other places he could go (and would probably prefer).  But I want to show my children mercy in action, not just in word.  

             Yes, I have yelled at him, gotten angry and told him off.  No, I do not like him (hence the divorce). But at the end of the day, I mean him no ill will.  He is the father of my children.  They love him, even if I do not.  I really wish that he held the same outlook. Not because I want him to help me, but because I want him to believe me. 

          I have no reason to lie to this man.  But he still thinks I do.  

Communication and Conflict Resolution (or, The Most Important Thing I Have Ever Written)

Well, it’s been a while since my last blog post.  Much has changed as I continue to travel my individual journey on this epic adventure called life.  But rather than go into my own comings and goings, I feel compelled to write about a few insights, specifically about communication and conflict resolution (as the blog title would lead you to believe).

No matter how enlightened or evolved we believe we are (or are not, whatever the case may be), we all have people in our lives that challenge our inner peace… or the desire for it.  Such is part of the human experience, not all is rosy, and we are not sitting in a circle singing “kumbaya” (as awesome as that may be).  All of us have been living our unique journeys, complete with our individual experiences which shape our beliefs.  No one is “right” and no one is “wrong”.  We are simply on different paths, at different times.  Surely you do not view the world or have the same core beliefs you did twenty years ago?  And are you not as steadfast now, as you were then, that you have all the evidence you need to feel the way you do about an issue?  If this is true for you, it is also true for others.  No one desires conflict for the sake of conflict (well, no one reading this, I’m guessing).  If you find yourself at odds about an issue with another person, you can be almost certain that they are as steadfast in their “rightness” as you are.  Is there a middle ground, a place for compromise?  Absolutely.  But this requires that (hopefully) both parties keep an open mind, that is to say, be willing to hear the reasons for the other person’s belief or opinion. When we understand where someone is coming from, and it is always based on their past experience, we can find a middle ground in which to meet.  Dig deeper until you can find that commonality.  Find a place where you both want to be.  Imagine your experiences, beliefs and your individual journey as rivers leading to an ocean.  Can you find the same ocean destination though you may travel by ways of different rivers?  Too often we get caught up in the details and lose sight of the end result. 

*See my previous blog post, “The Power of Faith” for more on this. That blog entry centers on the ways in which two individuals of very different belief systems can locate the commonality and find unity*

It is so easy to fall into the trap of defensiveness or feeling victimized.  I say “trap” because it is just that; a place in which you are stuck with no way out.  Take a moment to reflect, when has becoming defensive or feeling victimized ever helped your situation, or helped you to resolve conflict?  I will answer for myself, never.  Sure, you can always tantrum your way into getting your way, but this does not solve anything.  It simply breaks the other party down to a place where they “give in” to your demands.  In the long term, unless these people you have “broken down” are close family members (and even in that case), you will find them distancing themselves from you and your life.  But all is not lost. 

For the sake of example, I will share a bit of my story.  I have an ex-spouse.  We have two children together.  Because we are no longer married, it is easy to surmise that we have problems getting along, enough that it would challenge me to change the belief that I had long held about not divorcing when children are involved (based on my experiences as a child of divorce, I should mention).  I have no way of really ever knowing how this person feels towards me, or the slights that he feels I have done towards him.  I do know, however, that his every action or belief is based on his individual experience, and what he believes to be true.  Are some of his beliefs about me “wrong”?  Most definitely.  But the very same thing can be said for my beliefs about him.  We have both assumed things about the other in the five years since our divorce that have proven wrong (despite all the “evidence from experience” we had to back it up).  We have blown up at each other, hung up on each other, and called each other the most colorful names imaginable. Believe me when I say this… I could easily spend hours lamenting the wrongs I feel he has done me.  I could fester with anger at the injustices, plot my revenge, and rally support from well-meaning friends and family.  And I have.  And the results of these activities fuel more anger, expand anger to others, ignite anxiety… and solve absolutely nothing. 

So to bring it back around to the point of conflict resolution, where is our commonality, where do we both want to be, where is our ocean?  In this case, our ocean is our children.  Though we have vastly different ways of getting there by our individual rivers of experience and belief,   the ocean represents the children we both love and the happy, healthy, and well-adjusted individuals we want them to become.  Stopping on the way to the ocean to continually point out blemishes in our rivers to one another does nothing to help get us to that ocean.  It impedes it.

I know this to be true.  I have proven this to myself.  And although I can (if I want… but why?) find reasons to feel slighted or victimized by this man, I have realized that this is paramount to beating my head, continually and perpetually, against a concrete wall.   Another problem though, is that we live in a society that celebrates and even encourages the futility of victimization.  I do not speak from a place above or beyond this.  I am in this.  In our own microcosm of society, our friends, family, coworkers, even spiritual cohorts, we can always find a willing supporter of our victimization.  An “anti-cheerleader” that will back up every slight we feel, fuel our fire and help us plot our revenge.  At the very least, one that would agree with and add to our bitter insults towards the object of our anger.  And we do this because victimization needs vindication and validation. 

I will say this again.  Victimization needs vindication and validation.  Without them, there is no victimization.  We do this for our friends, our family, and our loved ones because we want to help them feel justified in their anger, validate their feelings and encourage their belief that they are right and the other person is wrong.  This has become so natural, so expected, that we automatically do this without taking into account if it solves anything, not to mention examine if it makes the situation worse.  This is absolutely not to say that there is no place for “being there” for someone who has been traumatized or hurt.  Absolutely we can be the shoulder to cry on for someone we care about when they are hurting.  But eventually we want that person we care for to stand up and be happy, to be at peace.  But it is impossible to be at peace while feeling victimized.  It is also impossible to resolve conflict while holding on to the belief of victimization, or the belief that one must be “right” and the other must be “wrong”. 

So where do we go from here?  What do we do now?  The first step is a doozy, and it may cause some people to take offense (which is precisely what this step means for us not to do), is to truly realize and claim the fact that we are solely responsible for our own feelings.  Stay with me here.  Taking into account that peace is impossible while feeling victimized, realize that everyone’s actions are a reflection of their own beliefs, ideas and experiences, and that any action (by word or deed) taken towards you, is theirs.  Not yours.  Your choice, and truly your only control, is how you react (or not react) to these actions.  You can reflect that their opinion does not match your own, or that their values are not in line with you values, and this can either strengthen your own beliefs or lead to further growth.  But it is your choice, and your choice alone, to engage in a debate or argument with someone, even if you believe with everything in your being that they are “wrong”. Why?  Because they believe with the same tenacity that they are “right”.  Everything in the human experience is objective, that is, based on our individual and unique journey.  As Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his amazing book based on Toltec Wisdom, “The Four Agreements” (seriously, if you haven’t read it, go buy two copies… Right. Now.  One to keep and one to give away later after you have finished so you won’t have to part with yours. You will thank me later), Don’t Take Anything Personally.   

In the summary pic that floats around the internet, the second agreement is broken down as this

DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

-Nothing others do is because of you

-What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream

-When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering

That kind of sums up what I’ve been writing about, doesn’t it?  I can be a bit wordy, but I believe using relatable experiences helps us to apply helpful techniques to our own lives.   Taking this into account, as well as letting go (even if just for a few moments) the victimization I myself had felt in regards to my ex-husband,  I was able to be part of a constructive conversation regarding one of our children recently.  Instead of getting hung up on what I consider to be shortcomings or errors on his part (based on my own beliefs, of course), I was able for the first time in a long time, if ever, to see the ocean.  We found commonality, and respected the differences in getting there.  While I may not agree with his methods, his life, or choices he has made, I also know that none of those things are in my control.  Nothing I can say or do will change those things.  I can choose to feel victimized or angered by what I feel he is doing wrong (and find any number of anti-cheerleaders to back me up) or I can allow.  One choice results in a sore and bloody head (from banging it against a concrete wall), or at the very least anger, anxiety and a lack of inner peace, and the other choice results in calm.  It is only my choice. This is what I mean by the statement to accept the fact that we are solely responsible for our feelings.  It is only my choice.  It is my only choice for peace to allow.

In the end, we both saw our ocean together.  Is this because of some cosmic alignment of the stars that we finally agree on something?  Or because I chose to listen, to be open, and to not be defensive or victimized, were we finally able to meet in the middle?  Again, I have no control over his words or actions.  I only have control over mine. The second part is the very personal part of not allowing victimization to enter my consciousness.  To do so is to allow an unwelcome guest in my home, one which feeds on anger, anxiety and fear.  My goal is peace. I have had a lifetime of anger, anxiety and fear, and I know there is a better way.  We all have had too much of victimization busting in, wearing a mask of concern, begging to be pitied, validated and vindicated.  It is time to show this unwelcome guest to the door, taking with it the negative energy it carries.  Only then can we allow peace to move in. 

The Power of Faith

Hello everyone. I would like to share with you a story.

The other day I was having a conversation with my friend, Brian. And although we do not talk very often, our conversations are always insightful, stimulating and truth be told, well spoken. Brian and I come from different backgrounds, with very different belief systems.

We started talking about my experience in becoming an intuitive angel card reader as well as medium. I told him about messages that I received from my Angels in a time that I needed comfort and reassurance. I received these messages in a way that left no doubt in my mind as to their origin or purpose. His belief system does not necessarily accept these things. However, he agreed that I did receive messages, though he would say that the origin was different. What I would call a message from Angels, he would call a message from God. He went on to say that others might say these messages came from the universe, or some other higher force.

That led to a conversation that was political in nature. Without going into the details, it was apparent that we had stumbled upon the very problem of our political system. While all parties seem to agree on the end result, whether it be economic recovery, affordable healthcare, or national security, where we get lost is the HOW. Each party seems to believe that they have the only way to the solution and will fight tooth and nail to prove their point, in other words, to be right. And in the process, they lose sight that ALL agree on the end result. Brian and I both questioned exactly what it was that made it this way, and we agreed that it was ego. But what exactly does that mean?

Delving deeper, it seemed to both of us that those who fight to be right do so because of an inherent and most likely subconscious feeling of insecurity. This got me thinking. I have known Brian for about 15 years, and in this time I have known him to be one of the most open minded individuals that I have ever met. Sure, he has strong beliefs, but he does not fight to defend them in order to be right. Without going too far into a religious context, he is a practicing Mormon, that is, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Here in Utah, that is pretty common. And generally speaking, LDS members are a conservative bunch.

But I digress. Back to why it got me thinking. How was it that we could maintain a friendship and mutual respect with each other despite our differences? The answer came to me. Brian seems to have no insecurity, in other words, he does not live in his ego. And why is this? I believe it is because Brian has an UNSHAKABLE faith in the fact that he is NEVER alone. How could one possibly be insecure with this faith? It matters not his belief system, but the end result only. And the end result is that he has faith that he has a power greater than himself surrounding him at all times. That he is loved, taken care of, and is secure. He has no need to fight for his beliefs because he has nothing to prove.

I have seen him over the years tackle many obstacles, some of which would take a huge toll on the majority of people. But he persists and carries through. He does not live in heartache, pain, or fear. His unshakable faith carries him, as well as a bitingly sharp sense of humor, I might add.

So what can we all learn from Brian? Well, that the ego is fear and insecurity, and makes us want to fight to be right, because we think THIS will give us security. It will not. I believe, truly, that every argument, be it political or personal, can be whittled down to a belief of insecurity. And although someone may claim to be strong in faith, it may not be the case. For if anyone argues for their beliefs, it tells a different story.


Namaste

things i know that i havent been taught

Hello all. When I say "I", I mean we.
More on that later.
There are things that I have always known, even if I hadn't yet got "confirmation".
And there were things that I was told, but never really believed.
I was raised with religion, as many of us are. My brand of religion was Judaism. And I was told of a watchful, sometimes loving, sometimes angry, "father" in the sky called God, called Elohim, called many things. I SAID I understood, and I did understand what I was being told, but it never made sense. It didn't click. I didn't know WHY, but I felt no comfort with that explanation. Even as a child.
But I felt guilt. Oh did I feel guilt. Where was my faith?

But I felt there was MORE to the story.

And as a child, I was told that I was eternal, but I also learned of death. How could I die if I was eternal? Oh, heaven! I go to heaven! But how do I go to heaven if my body is dead? How can you understand this without comprehending it?

I have been having deep "philosophical" discussions with my exceptional seven year old daughter, and this morning we helped each other understand, no, comprehend these things and more. I will not complicated her life with my illusions, but I will share truth. Eternal truth beyond bills, jobs, friends, family, shopping, etc.

Truths such as this one, that I was never "taught": we are NOT our bodies. Our spirits, our souls, our Higher Selves, fall into consciousness. Our bodies are a vehicle for our life on earth. How could this be anything but true? We know our bodies get old, weak, sick, tired. And when they have ran their course, whether its a few months or 120 years, they die. Be WE do NOT. We just leave the broken vehicle behind, and perhaps find a new one. I'll skip the "real" world example, its already there.

Our bodies are ran by our brains. Ok, I guess I bring the example in. Like a car, its a shell without a motor. That is a body and a brain. But what will a car with a motor do without a driver? Nothing. It needs a driver. Same with bodies and brains. WE are the driver.

Recently, I began learning how to drive a manual. My "teacher" kept telling me that I should never let the motor have control. I must always maintain control, I am the driver. The motor and the vehicle are TOOLS to get me where I need to go. The vehicles only purpose is to get me there. The vehicle doesn't care where. The motor doesn't care.

But our brains and our bodies are much MUCH more complex than a car or truck. Our brains are wired for survival. Everything a brain does is to keep the body alive. That is its purpose.

But we must remain in control of our vehicle. We let our brains, our motors, have control. And look where it got us! War. Chaos. Greed. FEAR.

Do you think that is really the point of ALL this?

Use your brain, but do not let it control you. YOU control IT!

Its time to wake up, and take back control. Is your life really about facebook games, reality TV, or anything you watch? Those are to keep us occupied.

Life is best when LIVED :)